What I really wanted to tell my students on Thursday was to Shake the Sad Watermelon, but then I'd have to explain my whole Sad Watermelon theory, and I think that would get complicated and confusing. I also think they may lose a little respect for me.
So, I'm telling myself to shake the Sad Watermelon because I understand what that means, I think.
I wish I knew the exact cause of my unrest/unease/Sad Watermelon feeling. I'm also beginning to wish I had a better word than Sad Watermelon. It is not the class that I am teaching. That class makes me feel a lot of emotions, most of them variations of terrified, but also... excited. So, my sadness falls somewhere else-- in Dodd basement or my American Renaissance class, or... I think I have an idea, but... I'm going to the same exercise I made my students do. Anis Mojani. Shake the Dust. Ten minutes of writing.
I am sorry. I'm already being a bad blogger, and I dislike that about myself. I'm going to try to be better about this. I really am. Maybe I should set a goal, like one post a week? Wait, that's too few. Three a week? ...I don't know. I need to think about it. Oh, there is a video at the end of this blog post and I do not want you to look at it until it is relevant to the post. Ok?
Part of the reason I have't posted in this for a few day is because I'm trying to justify it's existence. what's worth including and what's worth leaving out. This is a Triple First blog. First year in graduate school, First year teaching First year composition. I don't want to write a blog about my day-to-day happenings and I don't want to give you the play-by-play of my class. That's boring to write and read. I don't want to pretend it's super fun or that I'm not anxious and exhausted about every aspect of this-- graduate school, teaching, moving to a new place, making new friends, et cetera. So, what do I say? Do I even say it at all? Who are you, Blog? I'm not sure I trust you.
But, anyway, for now I'll keep writing. Who knows where this will go or if anyone will ever read it.
Where has this week gone? Today it is nearly Sunday and the last time I wrote in this way Tuesday. That's out of control. I'm glad Monday is a holiday.
I think teaching has been my favorite part of this week. I don't really know how to articulate why. I don't know these students that well yet, but I think I like them. They seem to be talkative and willing to participate, which is great. On the first day we made up random questions to be part of a pile that everyone had to choose a question from. I'd made up a lot of the questions before class, but I left out five for us to come up with as a class. (Examples of the questions I wrote: If you were a piece of furniture, what would it be? If you were given an island, what would you name it? What's your best scar story? Tell us two truths and a lie) I read a few examples, then, after a little cajoling, they started coming up with their own. Questions they came up with: What's your most significant experience with frozen food (weird) What was your worst accident (other than car accident), What would your ideal fortune cookie fortune say? Kind of random and weird, right? So I was pretty psyched. Everyone had to randomly choose a question, say their name, major and hometown, and answer the question. Oh, and no looking at your question before it is your turn to answer! It was a really long and complicated "get-to-know-you" game, but I think it was good, and I think they had fun.
Wow, that was a lot of writing. I hope it wasn't boring.
Thursday was good too! We did a free write after a very involved conversation about what a free write is. I was like, "Free write, go!" And they were very frightened. So, we had a heart to heart about it, and then they were off!! I showed them a video of the slam poet Anis Mojgani (I don't have time to discuss my feelings about slam poetry, but Anis is sickkkk). I showed them the video of him preforming "Shake the Dust" at the 2006 Seattle Grand Slam. I showed it to them because I figured their first week of college had probably been pretty exhausting and emotional like mine. I asked who was overwhelmed/tired/anxious/whatever and everyone was some version of that. So I said, "Shake the dust!" And we watched Anis, then we wrote, then we shared. Yeah, shared! I didn't even have to threaten them or anything. They wanted to share. These guys could be rockstars.
Now you can watch the video. Shake the dust is at 6:25.
This post is clearly too long. I'm sorry. If I post more often they can be shorter more manageable posts. I'm also going to try to add pictures and video of different interesting things because I heard that makes blogs more appealing.
I am feeling so many watermelon emotions right now. Mostly exhausted watermelon, because today's roller coaster of emotions has left me in a zombie-like state, minus the brain eating. Well, actually I didn't eat much all day and it make me really cranky but Anyway.
Not only was today simply a long ass day it was also my firstfirstfirst day!!
I worked in the RWC for four hours, but it was pretty slow and the lights didn't work so it felt soft and sleepy. It was quiet and we did work on our own computers. Sometimes random conversations would murmur then swell, only to abruptly quiet. I came up with what I decided was a really clever though somewhat complex ice-breaker/get-to-know-you game.
I feel like I walked from one building to my basement office in the neighbor building all day. It is quite annoying. Back and forth. Why? I'm not sure. I like my office, even if it is in an office ghetto in the basement, and my office itself is simply a large desk and cubicle sort of thing. I think it has character. Plus there are lots of other crazy people down there and it's kind of a party. and a little scary when no one else is there.
I wrote down every single word I would say to my students for the introduction. If I could get through the introduction, I could segue into the really cool get to know you, then on to syllabus and then the course schedule! Awesome clever informative class accomplished. Actually, I wish I could remember what happened. I think I blacked out for most of it. I was so incredibly nervous, I was just like, "Claire Go!" and Claire Go took over my body. I think it went well. I said things. They said things. We laughed. I felt compelled to clap when they were leaving, but I thought maybe it would be weird. So after they left I stood in the empty classroom and clapped. That's even weirder.
Go, Claire, Go!
Have you ever heard someone say "sad panda?" As in, "that situation is so sad that it creates within me the feeling of a sad panda." Or some similar combination of words. I've heard people say it, and I'm not sure if I think it is clever and cute or lame. Mostly, it's one person I hear say it and I think he is a really cute sad panda so, anyway. My new take on Sad Panda is this: Sad Watermelon. It is clearly the saddest thing ever. Even more sad than pandas because watermelons are American. Just kidding. I love pandas. And watermelon. and America sometimes.
Anyway, all of this is to say I have been feeling very sad watermelon lately, which is why I made it the background on this blog. Tomorrow is my first day teaching composition 1101, which is why I made this blog. Will I survive this year? Will I survive tomorrow? Will my students revolt? Will I teach them anything? Can I possibly do this? Can I possibly do this?
I keep checking the roster, learning their names and faces, who has already dropped, who's new. Is that creepy? Yes. But it's also crazy. A little. And completely innocent. My class doesn't begin until late tomorrow afternoon, and I am getting antsy. I do not like this feeling.
Can I possibly do this?
My friend April suggested I make this blog, and one of the reasons I love April is because she has good ideas. Other reasons include: her hippiness, queso, amaretto sours and her gelato scooping skills. Thanks for more great insight, A. Riv.
I have a feeling I'm not going to sleep well tonight. I hope this sad watermelon feeling lifts soon, no matter how cute it sounds.
Class tomorrow. Report soon.
